If I love you and you love me, 
we both I Love You, even as
we flip each other’s pronouns ’round, 

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What I don’t know how to describe is the pain,
the brutality of saying no,
the agony of walking away,
prying my own hand, and making him go.

I could have slapped myself
for forcing me,
attacked myself
for accosting me,

when this is all I’ve ever wanted,
when this has been six months of aim,
when delight with him is never stunted,
when feelings roar like a hurricane,

when attachment and entanglement
have bonded me through intimacy,
when we pursued and were pursued,
when he was a best friend to me.

Now let me just erase my thought-life.
Let me change my daily rhythm.
Let me alter how my planet revolves.

Am I not who I’ve been ever since the beginning?

Let me shred my universe.
Let me mutilate my heart.
Let me change my hope’s old compass.

Wasn’t I me from the very start?

Why do you think it took me so long,
though always sensing something was wrong?

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