It was, of course, after the pastor said
that emotional memory can make up details that seem to fit the feeling we felt,
and after you confided in me all about your power to cave-
how you are her sane and grace, while she’s stuck irrational,
but you understand- because I understand! I always understand.
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You’re walking on eggshells, and everything you do to try to make it better backfires,
since some people don’t want to be satisfied.
Vindictive vendettas taken out on you,
like some people need something to be mean to,
and if they see you as a person, you can’t be their thing,
so they call you a problem and use you for their pain,
when their hate is their own fault,
and there’s nothing you can do
to make someone understand what they choose not to-Read More »
The way society views male nature and male responsibility,
conversing on whether “Boys will be boys”
makes my head spin in circles.
I grew up with fiction and film teaching me that men work extremely hard
to control themselves from their frequent, inevitable urges to rape, harass, and assault.
I grew up being taught how scared fathers are to leave their daughters alone with men-
even good men, and even their husbands.
This all made perfect sense to me as a child,
along with the idea that whether or not I had any value as a woman
was directly linked to whether or not men wanted to commit
sexual violence against me.
And yet now, this narrative makes no sense to me.
Why would anyone think all men
are compelled constantly to heinous crime?
And yet, I do not ask out of innocence.
I hold this confusion knowing firsthand just how common it is for men-
good men- to harass, assault, and rape.
It is all too constant and familiar to me.
And yet, I do not say that as the most hardened of females.
They placed me on their scale of victimhood,
and I graced their bottom half.
And so all this tells me is that every good thing is
very thoroughly broken,
and that men’s capacities should not be judged by their past performance,
and that the measure of a woman's pain
shouldn’t be judged at all.
You’re drawn towards me like we’re perfectly opposed…
like one of us put ourselves into the wrong box,
because heaven knows I don’t want to be shocked by your sparking outlet.
I just want to run, but I stay, every time. Like I’m…
electrocuted- Stuck. Like I’m numb- stuck.
Seems safer to turn the power off when men hang on me. Three at one time.
They each try to caress my neck at once,Read More »
Diplomacy! Wicked gift!
I want to know if Imagined Me has started being perfect yet-
Your little pet that I should really care less about, for she is not mine.
I do inform, like that’s a boundary.Read More »
When you’re twelve and seek escape from family, they provide the ride,Read More »
There was a little girl I knew, with vibrant, dancing eyes;
A slender, graceful, little girl, with skin pulled taut that shined;
A careful, hopeful, spirited child with hair that flew behind;
A princess in a castle soon locked up, constrained, confined.
…Just trying to understand her land.
Mirror, Mirror, On The Wall,
Are skin-thick walls too strong to fall?
Mirror, Mirror, On The Wall,Read More »
Sometimes I think the funniest thing about him is that I found him normal-
Getting pulled over, breaking down, breaking back in,
my bloody hand from climbing a fence to get to school and the mysterious sock
that we used to clot, and how that was God.
Rock walls tied to the truck while directing traffic on the interstate
so that ducks could pass- It was SMOOTH AS BUTTER! BOWL OF SUGAR! WHOO-Read More »
Love is a jerk,
Read More »
a cruel-hearted beast
with a gap-toothed grin
and a cigarette.
If you had asked the reason, I’d have said,
“Why, because!” for I did not know, but I was not
wrong. Surely the black sky with the city lights
in the grey towers were there, calling to me.
Where? Why, in Japan! I knew becauseRead More »