I’ve tried caring, but I got tired,
but it isn’t even that- It’s
to finally relax, because

I try to hold it in, together,
but when I unwind, I vibrate.

The high kicks in, and attention comes,
and suddenly I’m seen and known
and understood, and I didn’t even
have to try to communicate
or open up, and I think that I
could get used to a love like that.

It’s the power I have,
yet being finally overcome
by something big enough to make
me feel and to feel good at that,

something that is my size,
and even bigger to want,

a distraction from
the weight that SCREAMS-

in never ending song to dip down
into and clamber out of-

that the only thing that matters in this whole life
is broken,

 
and that fixing it is hopeless.